I'm coming home...

So, now my ticket home is booked. I'm coming home. I'll be landing on the 28th of June and will go directly to my beloved Caspers birthday party. I bought him the best gift ever, I'm the best aunt ever. My man is working and some nights it seems that he's never coming home, while some just passes. Today it's a mix, it's passing, but he's not coming. I'm smoking a lot. I have to stop doing that. It's for no use. I think I'm just bored. I'll get a coffeemachine instead. One drug to another. Oh well. (maybe I should bring one from Sweden?)

I just went through my folder for my see-you-later party before I was moving. I fucking miss my friends!

Can we have nights like this soon? In swedish.

Lady Midnight

Well, I argued all night like so many have before, saying, "Whatever you give me, I seem to need so much more." Then she pointed at me where I kneeled on her floor, she said, "Don't try to use me or slyly refuse me, just win me or lose me. It is this that the darkness is for." I cried, "Oh, Lady Midnight, I fear that you grow old. The stars eat your body and the wind makes you cold.""If we cry now," she said, "it will just be ignored."

Me and Mr Cohen...

What a life I'm living. Simply amazing.

The weather is horrible, never ending being horrible either. Rain, rain, rain, wind, storm and some more rain.

My best companion at the moment, Mr. Cohen is getting me depressed, although I don't think it's his attention.

Tomorrow I'm gonna work behind a bar. Let's all see how that will go. Probably I will get a whole bunch telling me I have to learn portuguese. Fast. Yeah, really?

Idiots.

...

Today is a shit day. A bad day. In frustration I cleaned the appartement. So now I have more pain. I don't like this day at all.
Why do I sometimes feel like crying? I'm happy, ain't I? Do I have to cry? And why? WHY? Damnit.

My rolling bubble...

No walk yesterday but a trip to Barcelos. I ate in Rio Côvo and then met up with Xana and her crew (tihi). Took a beer at Alvaro and then went into the night at Diogos. Had pain crazy, sometimes I couldn't concentrate at what people what saying. A weird night. Laughter and missing. Smiles and frowns. Discussions and bullshit. At times I feel like I'm standing in a bubble just looking out at a night life I don't belong to. I know I shouldn't think that way, but I do feel... misplaced... sometimes. And I can't figure out what to do about it.

"Sometimes I feel so out of time and place, trapped in a maze, as if I was lost in someone else's life... The values I should keep in high regard don't mean a thing to me"

Morning has broken

Finally I got to sleep after some days. Like a baby. Can be due to the fever as well. I have an agressive urine infection. I think, why not? But in the end I collapsed by exhaustion. Today I woke up, still in pain, but with a will to live and wide open eyes. (not so dark under anymore! Woohooo!)

I just had a delayed breakfast since I ended up, with all this energy, to have an early coffee with my André, doing the dishes and some laundry and a little bit of cleaning before starting to answer all the e-mails for the festival. So now I just, just, enjoyed newly baked bread with cheese and veggies and some yogurt with healthy seeds of all kinds. Nicely done, Ms Vestin. I hope this energy will last all day!

The sun is shining again outside after some showers of rain, so the air is mmm... If I wont get stuck infront of my mistress (read computer) all day I hope I get a chance to take a walk by the sea. I should. I'm getting fat again, so I think for Beach 2009 I have to depend on my smile. Damnit. But, come to think of it, there will not be many days at the beach, working and all, so whatever... Gotta go and hang the laundry. It doesn't become funnier than this this morning. Oh well... Today is a spiritual day. I can feel it. ;0) Let's go Cat Steven... Ta ta...

"Morning has broken, like the first morning. Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird. Praise for the singing, praise for the morning. Praise for the springing fresh from the word. Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven. Like the first dewfall, on the first grass. Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden. Sprung in completeness where his feet pass. Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning. Born of the one light, Eden saw play. Praise with elation, praise every morning. God's recreation of the new day."

Yawn or not to yawn? I mjaou...

So, yeah, thank God I don't look wide awake. That certainly helps! And yes, I am wining today. Let it go.

Sa!

I stole this from Ida's FB;

"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

So be nice, I'm fucking fighting here!

Early morning...

Breakfast time in Póvoa. Thank you grandma. Exactly what I needed after a night of none sleeping.

I just heard words from Espinho. I'm working from home today. Thank God. I look like shit. Later on I'm gonna put a lot of make-up on. Just for fun. I like fun.

3:45 No Sleep

I know I should sleep. I wish I could. This has been a strange night.
Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. Am I creating this?
I'm longing for my island. I need to sit there right now.
Right now.
But would it get better?

This weekend has been upside down.
I'm feeling upside down.
Just an hour before I should get up.
There's no use now.

"It's way to late to think of someone I would call now. The neon signs got tired red eyed flights help the stars out. I'm safe in a corner just hours before me. I'm waking with the roaches the world has surrendered. I'm dating ancient ghosts (the ones I made friends with). The comfort of fireflies long gone before daylight."

Fun and cooooolness!

It helps to wish! I had so much fun the last couple of days. I'm the funmaster! Or André is. Or Carla. Hard to say. Might be the mix. Mix is good. I love mixes! Not toothpaste and oranges, but more or less all the rest. By the way, Carla is so cool. Maybe as cool as me, it's hard to say ;0)

The weekend in Ponte de Lima was wicked. It ended with an afterparty in a church with jesters and fools from Spain and the Universe, with beers and magic, with a guitar and songs but never La Bamba. It was... just was.

Tonight I'm going to Ricardos birthday dinner. I have no idea what to bring him. Because I should. He is also cool. And funny. I'm sure it will be good, the dinner that is. It's in one of my favourite restaurants in Porto, no IT IS my favourite. Yam yam! Tomorrow I sooo have to go to the gym. Bad me! Bad kitten!

We're having a couchsurfer now. His name is Craig. He is from Austrailia, but André says New Zealand. Isn't that the same? (Whoops!) He's looking for poo trees, it's a little bit strange, but we like him anyways. And depite that he's cool too. It's not easy being new! ;0)

"Some boys take a beautiful girl, and hide her away from the rest of the world. I want to be the one to walk in the sun. Oh girls they wanna have fun"

Longing for Svea...

I'm bored. Very bored. Crazy bored. I miss a fun life, no, correction, I miss a funnier life. I miss relaxed friends with old memories. I miss people who wants to do things, not just go to bars and cafés. I miss sitting in the grass with strawberries and best friends. I miss long walks with stops for tea. I miss hugs from tiny arms. I miss playing cards with my family. I miss having fun without everybody feeling like a beer. I miss going to the cinema. I miss working at O'learys. I miss my country.

I keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change...

For two days I have more or less been waiting. I must say, waiting is one of my less favourite thing to do. We can almost go as far as I hate it. And why choose Portugal then, you ask, and well, true true. As always you have to take the good with the bad. No the other way around. Ah, you know what I meen!

To another thing on the subject: On the 4th of april I applied for my portuguese social security number. I got a papper as a proof until the real card was going to arrive. It was valid for one month, that meens until the 4th of may. Still no card or any word about it. So, I try to talk to people about this, asking what to do. The answer I get; just wait, it's normal. WTF! Of course it's normal if nobody says anything and just accept! I go crazy with this kind of things. Speak up, complain, ask to know more and especially know your rights! So, I'm asked to sit by and wait, although sometimes I heard that if you get a fine, you can sometimes wait because it happens that it gets lost in the system. Hallelulja! Sounds perfect. Or? Bureaucracy is wonderful. So, I'm thinking, where should I go? Who do I talk too? In times like this I remember I'm an alien. In many ways.

I'm gonna work on the island this summer. That's a good goodigoodgood thing. I'm longing for the walks in the forrest and the quiet time on the rocks. I hope the cats will like it too, if we get a place to live that is! They are going to become portuguese. What a mess to bring them here. But they're worth it. My son and daughter. Maybe not the ones my mother had in mind when she was asking about grandchildren, but you get what you get. I love my furry little ones. And everybody else have to love them too! Boohhaa!

A new days is becoming afternoon more or less. My man is sleeping. It's saturday today and for every minute the day is passing. I need a hobby. I should study, I could clean, I should hang the laundry, I could answer some e-mails, I should go to the gym and I could take a shower. I'll call a friend instead. Ta ta!

The tiger, the boyfriend, the clumsy, the loud one - Tengil

The puma, the killermachine, the acrobat, the tiny one - Toula

Aliens in Portoland...

So, she came, she saw, she won. Isn't that the expression? More or less at least. We had a great week, refused time by the computer, it has been vacation for me too. Now I have a lot to do, but that's a different story. I will not write anything about what just have been, a picture says more than thousand words... Then many pictures have to say even more. :0)

Time flies too godamn fast when you have fun!

The crowd stopping pillow cover...

I have a headache... If it's not one thing is the other. Bha! I'm gonna ignore it. So, gone. Yep, yep, hep, hep.

Just got back from Espinho. I need to bring a pillow for the metro. No, silly, not to sleep, to sit on. If you knew, you would understand. I'm thinking about getting a really stand-out-cover for it, so nobody misses it. And they will all me jealous... Mooohaaahaaahaaaa!

I should do so many things right now. But I stopped and am dreaming myself away to the tunes of Duffy. I always thought she was old. Like not old, but at least over thirty five. I googled her, and ohw, she's two years younger than me. Ehrm... Does that mean I'm looking old too? Damnit. No, big decision of today; I'm not, she is. Clearly. But, anywho and anyways, she does know how to entertain me in a low mellow way. Perfectly. I love when I can be a dreamer...

"I'm thinking about, all the things, I'd like to do in my life. I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer, dreaming for hope, from today. Even when you see me frown, my heart won't let me down, because I know there's better things to come (Woah Yeah). And when life gets tough, I feel I've had enough, I hold on to a distant star, I'm thinking about, all the things, I'd like to do in my life..."

Mum, save me from... whatever... just save me!

I'm so tired I could die... Honestly. The lack of sleeping is driving me crazy. Will I ever become portuguese enough to be able to deal with this rythm? I wish I wasn't such a light sleeper... I wonder if I was as a child as well. Hmm... I have to ask my mum. If she rememers. Speaking of the devil, oh, I mean, mum, she's coming. And not as in a week or two, but tomorrow! :0) Time flies they say, and sometimes it's true. Unless your waiting for your turn in a line, then, I swear, they stop time! Anyways, the Misses Vestins will explore Porto. I'm sure there will be some beers or two. Naahhh, more. And wine for sure. For sure. I miss my mum. I do.

Lovely!

Yeah!

I sooo did it... I'm great.

Can I throw it out the window?

I want a black blog. Either I'm stupid or the others. I can't get it to work. WTF!!! It can't be that hard. Well, apperently, I guess I'm a morron. Oh, well, I could be worse things.

I'm starting to think I'm having a relationship with my computer. It's almost as if I have to kiss it goodnight. Would that make me strange? Stranger? For nine hours today I've been sitting e-mailing schools and getting them into a selfmade and damn smart database. It's just as fun as it sounds. Thank God it's for a good cause. It's a shame it doesn't spell M O N E Y. My computer hates me. I'm sure of that now.

I really need money. Deeniiiirrrrrrrros... Anna suggested I should sell my body. I'll wait til the summer, then it's worth more. I'm broke, in pain and angry. Great day.

Well, what else? I need to take my frustration out. I hate being frustraded. It doesn't fit me. Arrggghhh....

No, gym it is...

Sneaking...

I went to the gym anyways... I was so tired of being home and still. Some said I couldn't go, since I've been/am sick. I sneaked away when nobody was watching. Sometimes you have to go your own way. And I just walked there. At the gym that is. And to it. Of course. I'll look gorgeous at Beach 2009.

At least I'll have a nice smile if things doesn't go as planned...
Nope, now it's a shower and sleeping at the agenda. Até amanhã!

Missing...

My blind date wasn't as expected. But things rarely are. But it was entertaining and I guess that's something. The rest of the weekend has been slow. By choice, but still slow. I miss my friends and the teanights, even more than the winenights. I miss taking walks with Bea late at night and talking on the phone whenever I want for almost nothing at all. But I'm not sad. I'm just missing. That's a different thing and not necessarily the same.

Todays mission; become a millionaire. Don't look like that, it's totally doable!

I'm sick. Or I have been. I'm better now, but still with stomach pain. I feel like this;




I'm the brown one. I just decided that. I like to be tanned. I'm tired of being white in Portoland. Oh, my neck is killing me...

Ciao...

Blind date?

I'm on my way out to meet a girl I never met before. Is it a blind date then? Ha ha... She asked if I wanted to get drunk with them... What can I say? André is in Porto on some dinner and I'm at home just wasting my time. What could possible be better than wasting it with new friends and some caipirinha? Saturday tomorrow, and nothing I really have to do (sscchhhh! I know, but denying works fine for me now, thank you very much!).
I need to put my face on. It's time to see Póvoa now. For the first time. Strange...

The absence of me...

So, what can I say? I truley suck at this! Well, I'm infront of the computer from morning til night more or less working with the festival, so my private buisness dans le net is not really prioritized... To be honest, right now I'm not having the best realationship with my computer. First of all, I'm sick off sitting infront of it, and second of all, I think that bastard feels it, 'cause it's acting up and starting to live its own life... Dear God, if it breaks down, I don't know what to do.... Pleeeeeeeaaseee, keep it together! (for both of us maybe... ha ha...)

And life then? All goooood, as Jim Carrey once said (maybe not just once, come to think of it...). I'm adapting to the life in Portugal more and more for everyday. But, don't think I don't miss Sweden. Sometimes more than others. Especially my friends and being able to speak swedish, I get sooo tired sometimes of always speaking in another language, if it is english, portuguese or french doesn't matter... But I win nothing by complaining...

I'll try to be better at this... Maybe we'll all be surprised? Ha ha...

Beijos!