Where's my snowangel?

Okey, I know... I might not have been the most frequent visitor to my own page, and I have definitly not been writing alot... I have no excuses, except the simple fact that I have not been feeling like it. Strangely. Some periods in my life I have to write and write. Almost to that exstend that if I don't write, I feel like I would die. This has obviously not been one of these periods.

But... Anyway... Life em Portugal is good. Anette has went home and it feels a little bit empty I must say. But I'm surviving and it's hard for me to believe that I have already been here for over four weeks. Time really do fly. How did we deal with being here only ten days before. Maybe that was to be considered as a honeymoon? But I like the idea of a honeymoon, so I think I will keep that feeling present for a while longer.

Sometimes it hits me; will I actually live here? Can I? I will miss everybody crazy, but for some strange reason this different counrty with its warm but sometimes wicked people feels like home. Like no other place except Sweden ever has. Is this the big turn in my life? How will my future life look like? I can't even imagine.

I hear it's a lot of snow at home. Here it's fall. Cold. Humid. But still beautiful. But I miss the snow. I never thought I would say that, being a whining brat in the winters, but God, I do miss it. So first thing, december 19 th, on the agenda, snowangel. Check!

Beijos!

Porto, oh Porto...

In Porto trying to find my way around town. Apperently it´s impossible to find a tourism information. They say they are everywhere, but I think they are lying! Ha ha...

Anyways, I am here now, in my beloved Porto. And I am very happy. I fall in love more for each day. Such a great feeling. But I hate that by that I make people sad. It´s horrible that my own happiness causes that. But as I said before, I don´t know how to do it differently. I´m so in love.

Today my mission is to find my way somewhat around the city and to hopefully find a language course as well. I hope it´s not a mission impossible!

Not having an internship scares the hell out of me. I don´t know where to start! I never even applied for a job. Damnit... Well, eventually I am sure this whole thing will turn out well.

Beijos!

O Portugal!

Finalement je suis en Portugal! :0)

I'm happy. I'm smiling. And I'm in love.

The trip took forever, but it was all worth it. The weather is great, the food delicious, the beers cold and the company the best.

My cellphone stoped working. Always something. But now I have a portuguese number instead. Just email me (friends!), if you want it. Otherwise it can be found on Resdagboken.

I still can't believe I'm finally here. Pure happiness!

Puss!

Sorry...

Damnit... I don't want to hurt you! I... I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry.
I wish I could help what I feel. But I'm really in love with him. Oh, I'm just so sorry...

Saturday, beautiful saturday!

So, change of plans...

I'm landing in Portugal on saturday.

I'm jumping up and down.

Pure happiness!

Shit, I have so much to do now....

Ahhh... :0)

I guess...

I'm starting to get a cold. Again. I caugh, I sneeze, I look miserable... Oh, well... It's that time a year. I guess complaining won't do nothing.

Yesterday after my family left I was really sad. Or not sad, low. I hate when they go. It's so seldom we get time like that together. But I guess that's just part of growing up.

Today I'm gonna have lunch with a friend of mine I haven't spent time with for a while. I'm really looking forward to that. We work in periods, one would say, with our friendship. But it's great at the same time, cause we always know where we have each other. And we always know that we love each other. So, I guess, that's the best way.

I miss my Linnéa. It's starting to be hard now that she's always away. Was this how she felt when I was doing my worldtour? Of so, poor her. Cause this sucks! The thing I hate the most is that I can't call her whenever I feel like it. Either it's a moneyissue or a timeissue. Bha! It annoys me! But I guess that's the way it's gonna be for now.

I have a lot of people interested in renting my appartement. Should I do it? I will save a lot of money doing so, but do I have the strenght to pack all my shit again? Well, at least not the funitures, but the rest... Is it worth it? I guess I have to think about that.

Still in love. Worse for everyday. That's a good thing. What a surprise this was. Never in my wildest dreams I would have guess that we would fall in love with each other. But now we did. Hard. And noone of us planned it or took the first step. It just kinda happened. I guess that's a good thing too.

I'm listening to Tracy Chapman a lot. Like my houseGod for the week I think. And tonight a guy from New Zealand is gonna come and stay some nights. That'll be fun. Or at least I hope so... But kiwis are rarely boring... Ha ha...

12 days...

The best of times... So easy...

Today I have reasons to smile. Thinking of yesterday will always make me smile. Casper came around three, and we went to the store to buy some cosy-cosy-yam-yam food for the night. Many stops during the way there for some leaf-fights. I laughed like a child. Casper did his best to get all the leafs on me, but to be frank, most of them landed on his own head, which made us all laugh even more. Beautiful child. Adorable child. And Adam is such a good bigger brother. It makes me proud.

At five, my sister Lotta and my precious nephews Rasmus and Jesper arrived. After dinner, candy and icecream the sugerkick sat in... We all ended up wrestling on my madress in the livingroom. Me, Lotta, Adam, Casper, Rasmus and Jesper. That's a family at it's best. I have the best of pictures. Those are great to have when life is blue... But today it's all red. Living, breathing, pumping and loving.

After saying bye to the little cousins, I put Casper to bed, and me and Adam started watching a movie. After half-an-hour we were both sleeping. Great day, great night. That must conclude this weekend to a great weekend.

13 days... Finally less than two weeks!

13 days... I wonder how life will turn out...

13 days...

La familia...

Saturday, beautiful saturday! The sun is shining and my family is here for a visit. So, it's Aunt Jonna all weekend long. But I love that. I'm gonna babysit tonight. I think tacos, movie and candy is on the agenda. I can live with that! :0)

Yesterday after I was done with school (thank God, by the way - I was exhausted!) I met up with sis, Adam, Casper, Frank and my other sister Anna. Me and Adam went looking for a kind of shirt he wanted. Mission impossible! We were in to every, and then I really mean EVERY, store that sold clothes for guys, and no... We found one! And that one was to expensive. Oh, well...

Then off to dinner at home, or I mean O'learys, but same shit, different name. And then to the movies. We saw Patrik 1,5. Great movie! We laughed a lot! It's about this gaycouple finally getting aproved for adoption. The child is named Patrik and is 1,5 yrs old. But it turns out that it's been a mistake in the paperwork, so instead Patrik 15yrs shows up.

So, on our way home we had hard discussions about prejudices, gays, life, school. It was very nice for me, because he really talked about his life. It's getting more and more rare nowadays, being eleven and all.

So, nice day, nice night...

And today, Carramellan and Pappa Victor are flying to Peru. Miss you guys already!

Oh, and my phonebill is starting to kill me! It's expensive being in love. But it's worth it! He makes me smile and give me strenght every day. I can't wait to see him. I miss you sooooo much!!!! (acting like a teenager again... I have to get a grip soon... Ha ha...)

So, I guess that's all for now. We're sitting here waiting for sis and Casper... I'm sure this will be a good day. It started good atleast with a lot of laughs...

Puss puss!

Scoolwork and the act of a teenager...

I am tired... And I'm whining... I hate that.
At school trying to get our buisness plan done. A lot of creativity, but still a lot of yawns as well. Thank God I'm working with the best one! We're a good team. Me, Carramellan and the obligatory chocolate. Ha ha... And a loooot of coffee!

This week is and will be crazy. And I haven't found an internship yet. Ticket there - yes, place to live - yes, internship - no. Well, it'll be alright.

But, I'm in love. That is great. So I smile silly all the time. And I'm acting like a teenager. But I'm scared too. I don't want to hurt people. And in this case it's impossible not to. Yet, I don't know what other way to do it. I really like him a lot, and he likes me, and I want to be with him. Next to him. Now. I never intended this to happen. But it did. And for that I'm happy. I know it will be a mess, it always is when love is involved, but I am certain that I want to be with him. So, that's that.

I count the days to Portugal. 17 today. Time is standing still. Bha!

My tattoos are looking better for ever day. They are healing fine. Viver o Agora. Now I'm just trying to live up to that.

17 days...

The long way back from Paris...

Sooo... Finally back home after two extra days stuck in Paris... Yeah, I know... Sounds stupid. I know there could be worse places to be stuck in, but I really had to go home.

They cancelled our original flight on saturday due to the fog in that hellhole of Beauvais. We then got booked for the flight next morning, which aslo as it turned out the next day was cancelled for the same reason. So, finally on monday we flew back home to La Suède, with no money at all left at any account and with a big disappointment to Ryan Air. And now, I just got home from the looong busride in the middle of the night... But, besides that horrible trip home, we had the best of times there. Laughed a lot and met so many nice people. And Paris, what to say... It's everything you imagined, and more!

In three hours I start school. I have three big things to write, which was planned to be done saturday and sunday. So instead of two days I have three hours... The obvious question is then of course - what am i doing wasting my time here? Well, what to do, what to do...

No, I hear you, time to smack myself back on track!

Tata!

Paris

To Paris today.

Me and my sister. Red wine, nice company and some more adventures. And Marcela is going to be waiting there. I feel so rich. A lot of things are happening this fall.

My beloved portuguese friends made last week into something very special. As I say; you guys make me smile.

But now I've left them, and they will be leaving town on thursday. Thank God I'm going back to Porto soon. I want to practise some more portuguese. I'm loving it!

So, what else? Annars då? Well... My head is spinning. I smile for different reasons. But I'm scared too...

The essence...

So this is it. The truth. The purest thing.

I can never say I wont lie. Noone can ever say that. But I'm not the lying kind.

My life is a mess. My life will always be a mess. I'm a messy girl I guess. But that's okey.

I love... a lot. I hate to hate. And I think the only thing I hate is just that, to hate.

I feel a lot. I am passionate. Hot-blooded some would say. I am a red blooded woman. For best and worse. But that's okey too.

I have wishes. And I wish too damn much. But I dislike the what ifs... So, I'm working on that. I am a working project. A project in progress. I sometimes say I hate that I wish. But it's not the wishing in itself it's that I have to wish.

I've got many dreams. And they are all confusing and changing. Like me. But that is okey too.

Yeah... And I sing. And I dance. And I smile. And I live. Today. And I will live more today tomorrow, and even more the day after that.

Just wish me luck. There's always room for that.

I love living, and I wish I wouldn't complain as much. But everything is okey, as long as I'm okey with it. And I'm usually okey. Or at least I will be...